Tantrum or Sensory Meltdown: Which one is it?

Sensory meltdowns are often mistaken for tantrums, and for good reason! They look incredibly similar. But they are very different and it is important for us to know which one we are dealing with, so that we can identify our kids' needs and respond appropriately. Read on to learn how to identify whether it is a tantrum or sensory meltdown, triggers of sensory meltdowns, and what to do to help your child manage sensory stimuli and prevent meltdowns from happening.

Let's figure out the difference between the two: Tantrum vs. sensory meltdown.

Common characteristics of a tantrum:

• Crying
• Screaming
• Stiffening of the limbs
• Arching the back
• Kicking
• Falling down
• Flailing about
• Running away

Sometimes kids even hold their breath, vomit, break things, or get aggressive.

Tantrums typically have a purpose. They are a way for a child to express feelings they cannot yet put into words, and generally elicit a desired response from the parent or an outcome. When the child achieves that response or outcome, the tantrum typically subsides.

Common characteristics of a sensory meltdown:

• Running away
• Whining
• Hiding
• Avoiding eye contact
• Curling up in the fetal position
• Covering the eyes or ears
• Screaming
• Crying
• Hitting
• Punching
• Pushing
• Biting
• Spitting
• Yawning
• Shutting down

A sensory meltdown is a neurological stress response to something in the environment that is unwanted. It is a fight, flight, or freeze response to undesired stimuli assaulting the sensory system. A sensory meltdown will not just stop after "giving in" to the child.

What do you do in either situation?

If you want guidance on how to tame a tantrum, I would check out the resources at Big Little Feelings.

To manage a sensory meltdown in the moment, try to:

• Control your response: Remember that your child is having a neurological response and you cannot help your child calm down if you are not calm yourself
• Offer compassion and connection: No judgement or discipline
• Remove your child from the triggering stimulus: Try to identify what the trigger is for future reference, and take your child to a place with very little sensory stimuli
• Talk as little as possible: Once your child is having a fight or flight response, their ability to access the higher parts of their brain that processes language is shut down, so maybe just repeat "let's breathe, let's breath"
• Help your child focus on regulating their breath: Focusing on breath helps bring down the heart rate and calm the system
• Offer calming sensory input: Keep a weighted blanket handy if you feel the need, give a bear hug with deep pressure, dim the lights, or play calming music

What you can do to prevent sensory meltdowns from happening in the first place:

Not all sensory meltdowns can be prevented, but there are some things you can do to help reduce the intensity and frequency of them:

• Keep your child hydrated, fed, and well rested as much as possible
• Get familiar with any patterns or specific triggers, and help your child become aware of them, too
• Develop an exit strategy: if your child is capable, involve them in a discussion about hypothetical situations and what the plan is for dealing with unwanted sensory experiences
• Create a calm down kit with sensory supports and tools: practice using these tools and techniques so that your child is familiar with them in the heat of the moment. I like these printables.
• Practice breathing techniques: blow bubbles or pinwheels, lay down with your hand or a stuffed animal on your bellies and watch them rise with each breath
• Make time for physical exercise and play outside: these are great stress relievers and nervous system regulators!
• Create a calming sensory area your child knows they can retreat to when feeling overwhelmed

I hope this helps you tune into what your child is communicating, and equips you with some new tools!

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